The Stimulus Miracle: Chapter Seven - The Gestapo

If the other guy was still in charge, I bet that a lot more of this bill would be devoted to funding the Homeland Security people, but the new guy seems to want to run a leaner Gestapo. Starting with the Sea Ports of Entry, 100 million for "non-intrusive detection technology" (don't they still call those things x-ray machines?). To repair and construct inspection facilities at land ports of entry, 150 million, but it doesn't specify if this includes rubber gloves for those infrequent yet memorable body cavity searches. Aviation Security gets a cool 500 million for explosives detection systems, and the Coast guard gets 150 million for alteration or removal of obstructive bridges. Of course, that last portion of funding could be eliminated by simply flying any aircraft found to have explosives from the new Aviation Security detection system into the bridge that's doing the obstructing. Problem solved.

Emergency Food and Shelter gets 200 million to feed and house the homeless and illegal immigrants. Speaking of illegal immigrants, there is section of this bill that buys section 401b (which directly affects sections 402 and 403) of the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigration Responsibility Act of 1996 five more years of enforcing the rules on the books about verifying proper identification when employing people (and yes, I went to the trouble to research this because I am thorough). Because there is nothing worse than an irresponsible illegal immigrant. This must be why we need the shelters.

The remaining few pages of this portion of the bill reminds the Gestapo that it has to keep spending the money allotted from the other existing bills that are now law.

That was a lot of work for very little return, but we're at 117.437 billion dollars and we've solved the homeless crisis.

Next: Chapter Eight – The Good Earth